


Leave it all Behind

by cvtie



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Depression, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, Tartarus, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 10:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvtie/pseuds/cvtie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Percy and Annabeth into Tartarus, Nico couldn't help himself. He plunged in after them, going through the horror of Tartarus once more. Now, back on the ship, Nico is haunted by the monsters and thoughts of his sister and mother. Extremely shaken up, Nico stops eating, and starts self-harming. As he hoped, the physical pain took his mind of his emotions, and his problems and especially of Percy. But when, that specific son of Poseidon decides to help Nico get over his troubles, the Ghost King has no choice but to oblige and create new memories as he goes along his way to health, hand-in-hand with Percy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave it all Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Each one of these chapters will be triggering, and I warn every one of you who get triggered easily to report to the end of the chapter for a description or just exit the story at any time.  
> All characters belong to Rick Riordan.

A loud scream sounded through the air as Nico sat up, panting and shaking terribly. The moon was full, hidden behind thick clouds ready to release their withheld tears onto the world. The night air was chilly, seeping through Nico’s skin and into his bones like a beast from a nightmare sinking its claws into Nico and tearing him to shreds.  
           

This was the fifth time in a row Nico had awoken from a nightmare with a scream. As shivers rocked his body the teenager pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs.  
           

No one ever came. No one cared enough to check up on Nico to make sure he was okay. The person that cared for him the most would have to be his half-sister Hazel Levesque, a child of Pluto whom he had brought back from the dead. Nico didn’t mind not being super-close to anyone aboard the _Argo II_. He liked being alone, but being alone is completely different than being lonely.  
           

Nico sighed and stared up into the sky. “Why did you have to go?” He whispered. He swore he could see Bianca’s sympathetic face molded into the dark cotton balls floating up above. Shaking his head, Nico averted his eyes, fixating his gaze on his black Converse.  
           

Taking a guess, Nico assumed it was about four a.m. as he rubbed the final remaining traces of sleep from his face and stood up, running a hand through his tousled dark hair. Jumping off the roof of the warship, he landed on the wooden board with a _thud_ , leaving a scuff mark as he straightened up.  
           

The one thing that Nico longed for is his iPod. The small Apple product that held all the songs that described emotions from the pain, tears, and sadness to all his memories with Bianca and his mother. Every song had a specific reason to be in his playlist, dedicated to someone he loved. It was obvious to see Nico’s taste in music was different from everyone else; dark and morbid.  
           

As he headed toward the bedrooms where everyone slept Nico started humming.  
           

“Choke, tried to wash you down with something strong.  
           

Dry but the taste of blood remains.” This was one of his favorite songs. He wanted it to play when he was on his deathbed. Nico would make sure of it.  
           

The light snores of his shipmates slowly got louder as he approached them, Leo’s mumbling more prominent. Ignoring everyone else, Nico headed toward the end of the hall where _his_ bedroom was. His hands were trembling when he stood in front of the door. Reluctantly, Nico cracked the door open, peering into the dark room. He could just make out the shape of Percy’s body hidden amongst the sheets.  
           

To Nico, everything about Percy was perfect, from the way he held his sword and prepared himself for battle to the way his cheeks would turn an adorable red color when he was embarrassed. A small smile crossed his face when he heard Percy lightly mutter something in his sleep.  
           

“You should talk to him.”  
           

The smile disappeared off Nico’s face as he shut the door and turned to face Jason. The son of Jupiter stood in a plain white shirt and plaid pajama pants. His hair was askew, blond locks reflecting the dim light from the moon coming through the entrance to the hall.  
           

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Nico asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.  
           

“Shouldn’t _you_ be asleep?” Jason repeats, a half-smile bringing his scarred lip upward. “I couldn’t sleep.” He said.  
           

“Me either,” Nico said. Lying was something that came naturally to him; he did it a lot more than was healthy.  
           

“As I was saying, you should talk to him.” Jason raised an eyebrow at him, patting his wild hair down.  
           

“Oh, yeah, like I’ll do that.” Nico rolled his eyes, looking toward Percy’s door.  
           

“You’ve got to do it someday, Nico.” Jason sighed, walking toward the son of Hades. “Someday, you’re still going to be in love with him; still craving to belong to him and for him to belong to you. But then you’ll get an invitation in your mailbox. A _wedding_ invitation. Percy would be getting married, and you won’t be able to do anything about it, because you didn’t confess to him and have to spend your days moping.”  
           

“How about you stop trying to make me get my feelings out and leave me alone?” Nico sneered, wanting to stomp away from the Roman demigod. All Jason was doing was getting him more pissed off than before.  
           

“Whatever you want, dude, I’m just warning you.” Jason shrugged, stepping back and heading toward the cafeteria.  
           

Nico pondered what Jason had said while he stood alone. That could actually happen. Although Percy will never be interested in him, Nico could fess up and get it off his chest. That could either ruin his life, or make a hell of a lot better.  
           

Sighing, Nico slid down the wall and held his head in his hands. Ever since he jumped into Tartarus after Percy, the monsters inside his head have been haunting him day and night; the thoughts of his sister, the actual monsters from Tartarus, the nightmares. Everything was just too much for the son of Hades, but he somehow managed to keep it in, just like every other problem in his life.  
           

After every flashback Nico suffers through he covers another page in drawings of whoever was in his flashback. He has an entire sketchbook that is almost full of his drawings. There’s Bianca, his mother, Percy, his best friend from Italy. Everyone he had ever cared about. He was in desperate need of a new sketchbook.  
           

And Nico sat there, contemplating everything until the sun came up and the demigods stepped out of their rooms. Everyone left him alone as the headed toward the cafeteria for breakfast. Percy was the only one to even acknowledge the 14 year old.  
           

“Nico? What are you doing here?” He inquired, kneeling down to examine the demigod’s face. Nico looked up to meet Percy’s beautiful sea-green eyes.  
           

“Nothing,” Nico stands up, trying to make it seem like he didn’t jump just a little. “You startled me,” he wets his lips.  
           

“Oh, sorry,” Percy smiled sheepishly. “Well, are you going to get breakfast?” Nico shrugged and followed the Hero of Olympus. As they reached the cafeteria, the sound of chatter and different voices filled their ears, Inside, Nico took a seat at the table, not being noticed by the others. Percy got food and sat next to him, pushing a part of it to him. The food sat in front of Nico, but something was off about it. The eggs were moving, becoming large, yellow eyes as they pierced Nico with their manic gaze. The bacon then curled up into a twisted smile and he could hear the raspy, whispery voice of the _arai_ as they spoke the curses put upon Nico.  
           

“Oh, my gods,” Nico muttered, straightening his back. The hairs on the nape of neck stood straight.  
           

“ _Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. You’ll be cursed forever._ ” The voice of the _arai_ was in his head.  
           

“No, no, no, no, no . . .” Nico shook his head, pushing his chair back.  
           

“ _Everyone hates you, Nico di Angelo._ Everyone _hates you. You have been cursed with eternal sadness. The wounds that will never heal. Your insides ripped to nothingness._ ”  
           

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Nico shrieked, slashing a knife at the eggs and bacon. And suddenly the face was gone, leaving a pile of breakfast chopped to bits.  
           

“Hey, man,” Leo said calmly. “Are you alright?” Nico had attracted everyone’s attention with that little scene. The words said by the monsters were repeating themselves in his head as his cheeks turned beet red.  
           

“I-I,” He mumbled. “I’ve got to go  . . .” And with that, Nico rushed from the cafeteria, hurrying toward his place on the roof of the ship. He let it out there, lying on his stomach, the 14 year old let all his fear out onto his sleeves. His lanky body shook with silent sobs as he listened to the phrases over and over again.  
           

That’s twice in one day. A new record.  
           

The clouds from the night seemed heavier now, as if someone had hurt their feelings more, and they were doing their best to keep from crying in front of people. Nico felt like those clouds. He wanted to float up and hide behind the fluff balls and cry, so his tears could be disguised as the rain.  
           

“Nico?” Percy’s voice interjects in his thoughts. He son of Hades lay still as Percy climbed up onto the roof of the warship and sat with him. “Are you okay?”  
           

“Fine,” Nico’s voice quavered. He swore under his breath and wiped at his eyes before sitting up. He couldn’t find the courage to face Percy, the embarrassment of the older demigod seeing him cry was too overwhelming.  
           

As if Percy read is thoughts, he smiled kindly. “Everyone cries once in a while, Nico, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  
           

Nico scoffed at that, but slowly turned toward the Prince of the Sea. Percy took note of Nico’s puffy eyes and red nose. “What happened in there?” He questioned, a serious look gracing his face.  
           

“Nothing,” Nico murmured, staring down at his clenched fists and gritted his jaw. “It was nothing.”  
           

“I know that wasn’t nothing. Now, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to force you?” Percy cocked his head to the side.  
           

“Percy, just stop. I said it was _nothing_. I haven’t gotten enough sleep, so I was just dreaming while awake.” Nico sighed in exasperation. “Just leave me alone. Leave me alone.”  
           

At that moment, the clouds couldn’t take anymore, and with a giant sob known as thunder, the tears fell to the ground. Percy willed himself to keep dry, and was reaching for Nico, but had his hand slapped away. The water made Nico’s clothes and hair heavy, making it look baggy as he sat there and gazed into the ocean.  
           

“Are you sure?”  
           

“Yes,” Nico said, doing his best not to explode on the son of Poseidon. Percy nodded, and stayed by Nico’s side for another two minutes. Finally, he slipped off the roof with trepidation, looking up at the top of Nico’s head before walking always to sit under the shade.  
           

Above, Nico let his tears escape his eyes, mingling with the rain as they danced elaborately down his cheeks. Through his blurred vision, Nico looked down and hooked his finger into his sleeve, carefully dragging it up and seeing the thin, fading pink lines from two years ago. He smiled at them, pushing his sleeve down and lying back, closing his eyes and letting the rain drop on his body.

**Author's Note:**

> Nico has a nightmare.  
> Jason tells him to confess.  
> Percy finds Nico outside his bedroom.  
> In the cafeteria, Nico as a weird hallucination, and freaks out.  
> He runs away to roof.  
> Percy stays with him for a bit.  
> It starts to rain and Nico looks at his scars from two years ago as he falls asleep in the rain.


End file.
